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I whine about stuff I can not make


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Streets of Rage:

Streets of Rages hacks are crap.

Streets of Rage 2 hacks range from crap to absolutely amazing.

Streets of Rage 3 hacks are crap but rarely you find a good one.

Streets of Rage 4 still has no retro console port or re-recreation because I'm too stupid and the guys who can are too lazy or greedy.

Streets of Rage BORs are pretty great for the most part but no Sega console gets ports of the best ones.

Trying to curate a collection of SORs is like wading through poo all day then finding a diamond. Most the time you're thinking why am I even wasting my time with this sh** then you load something amazing and go, yup, that's why.

 

I only recently found Pancake, even though it's old. I had a little trouble so I asked my brother and he's asked some folks, but, maybe soonish, I'll be able to produce my own crappy SOR hacks too. I always wanted some kind of Beat from JGR and Skate from SOR2/3 crossover but Sega refuses to give a fool that so I'm going to have to make it. If I can, I'd love for Beat to paint the bad guys and instead of damage and dying they just get tagged and do a goofy dance like in JGR. It'd be cool if I could pull off the same with the stuff, like barrels and such. Instead of breaking them open they just get tagged with graffiti. Conversely, I'd lose my sh** if someone made a JGR mod with Skate, who doesn't tag enemies, he beats their heads in with his trusty pipe. :lol:  Of course in both cases the soundtrack would have to be mixed between the franchises because they both have great music.

 

 R.6c2ec69f13cb5507da28b4c25286d060?rik=vd2ffe7db27d4d8df18f9efa15ddc3f9b.jpg Yeah dude

 

Two of sega's best characters, best music, most fun games, coolest roller blading characters ever conceived by anyone, no crossover....it's sad. Loads of hacks, none with Beat. Can play as Sonic, Shinobi, Sketch, Hagger, basically anyone, but Beat, or Gum, or anyone from the only series I ever wanted a crossover.

 

 

 

Doom:

Can play anything under the sun in Doom. Except, one of the funniest faces to ever be a face, just naturally goofy looking. Let me introduce you to Star Child:

paul-stanley-alone.jpg

Just image that face looking around as you play Doom. :lol: hilarious. Kiss in general is pretty silly but nothing tops Paul Stanley.

I've always wanted to make a game I'd call Paul Stanley's Love Gun. instead of demons you'd have normal people in a normal setting, like a city scape or in a park, just normal public places doing normal people stuff. Some of them are just doing nonsense like sitting on a park bench feeding birds, others are arguing at a convenience store, makes no difference, when Paul shoots them with his Love Gun they all get up and dance. Boomer style dancing :lol: yeah dude. The Love Gun would be a purple ray gun that shoots purple heart shaped rays. Music of course is all Kiss. The other band members would only make cameos to help with bosses who are all a bunch of frumpy entitled Karens and such meanie pants. 

 

Barkley:

Ever played Charles Barkley Shut Up and Jam Gaiden? It's old, so you should have by now. If you have not stop messing around reading this waste of time I'm writing and go play that game. Unless you don't like humor, it's amazing. One of the funniest fan efforts ever put out and the gameplay is honestly good and interesting.

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That said, it's been like a decade or better, there was even a successful kickstarter, and no sequel. My ass is gonna do my best to make some kind of sequel because the Barkley Saga must live on. It's been described as a Shut up and Jam/Space Jam crossover but what it really is, is a fun ass RPG from the way back. My sequel would be totally different from the one promised to us by the original devs. Heaps more Shaq. If you've never seen Inside the NBA with Barkley and Shaq, trust me, you do not need to be a basketball or even a sports fan to understand why Barkey and Shaq are hilarious. Those are two guys who didn't have to do any classwork to get through college and it damn well shows in their adult life. They can't speak well, they know next to nothing about anything, and on top of it all they both have a sense of humor about how stupid they are. I'll be going from Space Jam, Kazzam, Steel, Inside the NBA, and games references along with my own curse riddled and otherwise offensive and immature humor but the original was smarter than that. Don't get me wrong, it's stupid, but stupid in a smart way...like Red Dwarf is stupid in a smart way.

 

Grand Theft Auto:

Imagine friends, a GTA, set in Florida, where you go about doing Florida Man things. Mullets, vests with no shirt, and cutoffs, drinking with alligators, throwing gators at people and in restaurants, wearing f**k the police shirt to court, using a plane to draw a giant penis on radar, shooting hurricanes..with guns, wearing clear plastic bags to hide your identity while robbing folks, hitting people with fried chicken, making money by pretending to be a doctor, stealing grocery store scooters to go on dates, bust into delivery rooms to fight your ex's boyfriend, calling the police because you're bored.

All true Florida Man antics and so much more. That game would be hilarious.

 

The Michaels:

There was once a time, in the 80s through 90s, when 3 Michaels rules the world. You had Mike Tyson, Michael Jordan, and Michael Jackson all making headlines and being absurdly popular. Imagine these three mega mikes teaming up to stop the bloody reign of one Michael Myers (Halloween) and his cult in a JRPG. Tyson would be your melee/tank with his fists, Jordan is your archer/ranged character except no bow because of course he shoots basketballs, and Jackson is your mage. This is really more about personality clash than anything else. Jordan's a very serious and pragmatic man, Tyson's a very angry and stupid fella, and of course Jackson's super childish, but they all three have one thing in common; ego. With cameos from other mikes such as Irvin(NFL), the comedian Mike Myers, Phelps(swimmer), J Fox(You know, back to the future's Michael), Bolton (singer) and Caine(That british fella), Duncan (Green Mile's biggun), Jai White (spawn), Bay (transformers) and of course the Batman himself; Keaton. a real pop culture fest that deals with absurd situations all while Michael Myers leave a blood trail across the globe...because JRPGs without an airship are not really JRPGs. The Mega Mikes would need the help of all lesser Mikes to track down and stop Myers. I'd make it all Captain Planet'y by having their powers combine...Chronotrigger style.

 

If only I could, I'd make all these stupid games and so many more. Most of them I am only held back by my lack of art skills.

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